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Big fat Robin with name

Not sure of new LJ Setup

Posted on 2013.09.01 at 15:48
Current Mood: hungryhungry
I haven't been on LJ since 2011 and not regularly for several years now. It was really changed and I miss the old way lol I am sometimes not good with change! I still live in my apartment by myself. I see C.W. a lot so it's cool that I have some alone time. We bought season passes to a local amusement park this year. Have been several times. It was fun, we need to go back a few more times before they close for the season.

Met a new friend from the UK, she is really nice and we Skype sometimes. She has a black cat named Shadow. She is adorable!

That's about all that is happening in my part of the world.

Robin

Celestial Tribe and stars background

The Mirror Never Lies

Posted on 2011.07.16 at 14:00
Current Location: Living room
Current Mood: confusedconfused
My assignment from Claire was to look in the mirror and repeat the following things, I am special, I am unique, I don't deserve to be hurt any more. This was in reply to me and some of the insiders wanting to cut really badly last Tuesday. I/We had seen Claire earlier that day. After session we freaked out and panicked. Don't really know why other than we discussed the maternal unit and that ALWAYS inevitably brings on a panic attack.

We did as Claire asked me/us to do and this is how I felt upon looking into the mirror. I didn't recognize the person staring back. It wasn't an alter, it was me, supposedly. I never look real in the mirror, it's like it's some made up person in there.

Claire wants me to learn to like/love myself/ourselves, I am working really hard on it, but I get in the way of myself with negative thoughts. Blah, I don't know if I'll ever like/love us. But I do know I can love other people without loving myself, just on a different level, that's hard to explain, I feel numb sometimes when I tell people I love them. Guess that doesn't make any sense either.

I am really trying here, but it seems like the more I try, the more steps I take backwards.

Any way here is the poem that came out of all this. If you read this comments would be greatly appreciated! :)


the mirror never lies
stranger staring back
unrecognizable
fear swallows
the truth
puking the unlovable
back up into the sky
the mirror never lies

(c) Robin M. Mathis

July 16, 2011
3:58am